Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
