I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
