Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
