onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
