Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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