I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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