Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm passing your future prison.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
