she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
