If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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