I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
