Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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