I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How external is "for external use only"?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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