So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
