Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
