just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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