I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
high people should be assigned attendants
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Every concussion has its silver lining
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
