Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
