He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
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