Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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