I cut my penus on the lid.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
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They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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