If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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