Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
