On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
