Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
