she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
