Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
