i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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