You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
