Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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