meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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