I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
