I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
