you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
