i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
4 words: hood of his car
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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