You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
