I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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