Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
