the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
