wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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