Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
