just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
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This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
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Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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