FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
