you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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