No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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