I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
