God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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