Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
