Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
