I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
