that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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