forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
