My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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