i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
