yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
