I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i think i just lost a toe
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
