So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
