someone threw a dead crab at me
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
