he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
