she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Mom said you looked used
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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