By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How does one acquire holy water?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
