this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
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I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes