Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.

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(401): Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars. http://tfl.nu/q4kd

Replies (29) Good night (1610) Bad night (582)
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(970): View more from Colorado

I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.

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(970): I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides. http://tfl.nu/4pjs

Replies (26) Good night (4543) Bad night (855)
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(315): View more from New York

My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning

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(315): My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning http://tfl.nu/4o81

Replies (14) Good night (6207) Bad night (851)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes

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(910): whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes http://tfl.nu/crfp

Replies (15) Good night (2294) Bad night (4575)
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(817): View more from Texas

I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"

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(817): I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!" http://tfl.nu/bikn

Replies (2) Good night (3541) Bad night (916)
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(773): View more from Illinois

I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.

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(773): I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word. http://tfl.nu/3o13

Replies (17) Good night (5109) Bad night (1326)
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(630): View more from Illinois

He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.

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(630): He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together. http://tfl.nu/tn1p

Replies (8) Good night (3008) Bad night (1794)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.

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(617): I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B. http://tfl.nu/c1l3

Replies (4) Good night (1253) Bad night (2947)
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(720): View more from Colorado

Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend

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(720): Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend http://tfl.nu/9h3j

Replies (5) Good night (3501) Bad night (1027)
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(503): View more from Oregon

He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.

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(503): He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain. http://tfl.nu/zlsy

Replies (2) Good night (1204) Bad night (467)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.

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(918): She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life. http://tfl.nu/zzux

Replies (2) Good night (1380) Bad night (914)
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(770): View more from Georgia

started my period, we have to try again next week

(1-770): View more from Georgia

if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint

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(770): started my period, we have to try again next week (1-770): if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint http://tfl.nu/4qkj

Replies (11) Good night (1601) Bad night (474)
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(256): View more from Alabama

That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.

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(256): That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was. http://tfl.nu/kyou

Replies (1) Good night (767) Bad night (600)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.

(1-505): View more from New Mexico

So when can I meet her?

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(505): There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker. (1-505): So when can I meet her? http://tfl.nu/qfle

Replies (1) Good night (735) Bad night (350)
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(216): View more from Ohio

I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.

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(216): I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class. (610): I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class. http://tfl.nu/0ypg

Replies (0) Good night (1084) Bad night (396)

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