I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
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Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage