Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
honey bunches of taint.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week