So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
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I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
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she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.