cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
