i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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