Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
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Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
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Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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