ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
