now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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